Drinks for Two #6: Sleeping Up Appearances

The night's been wild and unforgettable. You, being your classy self, have managed to keep your date enthralled for hours on end. Suddenly, the words that, without exception, bring a tear to any man's eyes resonate through the thick bar air: "last call" It's time to order your final drink before you get the hell out.

You'll have a:

Bloody Mary/Caesar (extra spicy)

1 1/4 oz. Vodka
Dash salt
Dash pepper
Dash worchestershire
Few dashes tobasco
Dash celery salt
Fill with tomato/clamato juice
(Note: All "dash" ingredients are by taste. 100's of ratios exist)

Read my article on hangovers to learn why this is the perfect final drink.

She'll have a:

Harvey Wallbanger

1 oz. Vodka

1/2 oz. Galliano

Fill orange juice

The more savvy drinkers will quickly realize that this is a screwdriver with galliano (vanilla liqueur). Again, check the hangover post for why OJ and vodka are good. The galliano adds a new twist she might not have tried all while keeping her buzzed for the afterparty (of two) to come.

Drinks for Two #5:I'm a Classhole

You find yourself at a corporate event in a slightly higher class venue. In attempt to mingle with a slightly higher class crowd, you'd like to order something that comes in cocktail glasses. There's always a chance that your non-screwdriver will strike up conversation; in which case you won't have to awkwardly talk about how unpredictable the weather's been. The following drinks are both traditionally served in cocktail glasses.

You'll have a:

Sidecar

1 1/2 oz. Brandy

1/2 oz. Triple Sec

1 oz. Lemon Juice or Bar mix

She'll have a:

Lychee martini

1 1/2 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Soho
1 oz. Lychee Juice

Drinks for Two #4: I came, I saw, I conked her

The dance floor is packed, the lights are strobing and the music is pumping at what feels like 300 BPM. You and your date push through the crowd to make your way to the bar. You're both feeling silly and want to order a shot that you wouldn't ask for in front of your mother. Before ordering remember that shots should be ordered in sets of 3 or more. Any less is just a hassle for the bartender to make.

I'll have a:

Red Headed Slut

1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps

1/2 oz. Jaegermeister

1/4 oz. Cranberry Juice

She'll have an:

Abortion

1/2 oz. Bailey's

1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps

1/4 oz. Grenadine

WARNING: If your bartender is some 19 year old bimbo who got hired for little other reason than her rack, you'll just seem like a douche in front of your date when the half-watt behind the bar will have no clue how to make an abortion, red headed slut, juicy pussy, blowjob, porn star, slippery nipple or buttery nipple.

Drinks for Two #3: Let there be night

You just sat down at a cozy restaurant after a long, relaxing day at the beach. You and your partner both agree you'd like something refreshing while the cool breeze kissing your face brings about a sudden desire for warmth. Getting the best of both worlds is easy if you know what to order:

I'll have a:

Hot Southern Night

3/4 oz. Goldschlager

1/2 oz. Southern Comfort

Fill Cola

The lady will have a:

Killer Kool-Aid

3/4 oz. Vodka

1/2 oz. Melon Liquer

Fill Cranberry Juice

Did you hear the one about the blind prostitute?

Oh, you gotta hand it to her.

Drinks for Two #2: Summer better than others

Summer's here and you're both looking for something cool and refreshing for sitting outside on a nice terrace.

I'll have a:

Gin Fizz

1 1/2 oz. Dry Gin

1 oz. simple syrup

2 oz. lemon juice

Fill club soda

The lady will have a:

Mojito

1 1/2 oz. White Rum

1 oz. lime juice

2 tbsp. sugar

3 sprigs mint

Fill club soda

The lime juice, mint and sugar get muddled in the glass first and are then topped with the rum and soda.

Drinks for Two #1: Chilling in the name of

You're having a great time with your date, both enjoying eachother's company. Laughing and joking, you make your way to the bar. The bartender asks what you two will have. She says "get me something I'll like." You panic as you realize you know nothing outside of a rum & coke, screwdriver and vodka martini - shaken not stirred. Clumsily, you try to spot an alcohol behind the bar and think of a juice and spit the two out at the barman.

"Drinks for two" will be an ongoing article giving you ideas what to order yourself and your date as you approach the bar.

I'll have a:

Perfect Manhattan

1 1/2 oz. Canadian Club
1/2 oz. Dry Vermouth
1/2 oz. Sweet Vermouth
2 Dashes Angostura Bitters

The lady will have a:

Windex

3/4 oz. Vodka

1/2 oz. Blue Curacao

1/4 oz Triple Sec

Fill Bar Mix

Top 10 Breakup Songs

So you've called it off with your sweetheart and you're generally down in the dumps. You just can't bring yourself to listen to the hip-hop or rap you used to. You're not feeling G or like dancing at a club. You just feel like boiled shit and you want your music to acknowledge how you're feeling. I've been there too, champ. It bones. Being the nice guy I am, the following is 10 songs you might enjoy listening to now.

I Hate You – Sick Puppies

There’s not much to explain about this song. It’s sometimes just a cathartic release to keep saying “I hate you.”

Quotable line: “I know you think you hate me but I will always hate you more.”

I Hate Everything About You – Three Day’s Grace

It’s weird suddenly hating someone you’ve loved for so long. It’s a mix of emotions that makes the next few days and weeks a roller coaster of emotions.

Quotable line: “All the feelings that I get, but I still don’t miss you yet”

Just – Radiohead

At a certain point, enough is enough. You have to get up, brush off the dust and get back into the game. After a while, she’s out of the equation and the only reason your down in the dumps is that you’re so full of self-pity that it cripples you. You do it to yourself.

Quotable line: “You do it to yourself, you do, and that's what really hurts”

Song for the Dumped – Ben Folds Five

Here’s another song that doesn’t need explanation. It’s a little lighter and upbeat…but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a bitch.

Quotable line: “So you wanted to take a break, slow down and have some space…well fuck you too”

Tearing Away – Drowning Pool

At the end of the day, you’re the only one who matters. If someone can’t help you make money or feel good about yourself, they’re useless to you and don’t merit your attention.

Quotable line: “I don’t care about anyone else but me.”

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson

Sometimes the best guys get paired up with the shittiest types of girls. You try to make it work and you bend over backwards for her, but she can’t appreciate it and never changes or commits. There are better people for you to devote your time.

Quotable line: “I can’t always be waiting on you.”

Only – Nine Inch Nails

Infatuation causes us to see what we want to see and not what’s really there. You try so hard to convince yourself that your girl is great but eventually you come to grips that she’s actually a waste of tampons and all her positive features are just figments of your imagination. Sorry about the attached video. I’m not big on the fan-made videos but this is the only uncensored version I found on YouTube and, I’m sorry, but the line “There is no fucking you” was just too crucial. A silence just adds an annoying pause and implies an unfitting inhibition.

Quotable line: “…you were never really real. I just made you up to hurt myself”

The Pot – Tool

The title, in my opinion, has a double meaning. Firstly, it’s based around the expression “the pot calling the kettle black”, whereas “the pot” represents an annoying hypocrite. Secondly, with all the marijuana references in the song, “the pot” can also be the drug abuse that would explain a person running their mouth with contradicting hypocritical bullshit. After an argument, you think back to all the stupid shit she said and how her actions blatantly contradict them. Ignorant bitch.

Quotable line: “Foot in mouth and head up ass-hole. Whatcha talkin' 'bout?”

Friend is a Four Letter Word – Cake

“Four letter word” is an expression that means a swear word. Most swears tend to be four letters (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, dick, tits). Sometimes the offer to be friends is so much of an insult that “friend” might as well be a four-letter word.

Quotable line: “I'm really only praying that the words you'll soon be saying might betray the way you feel about me.

Whiskey Hangover – Godsmack

Sometimes that breakup just throws you into that self-destructive downward spiral. Fuck off, it happens to the best of us. You go ahead and grow that stubble, loosen the tie and have a gritty conversation with Mr. Jack D.

Quotable line: “so what if i never wanna be sober? So what if i wanna be numb all the time?

Honorable Mentions:

Save Yourself - Stabbing Westward
Saviour - Rise Against
Peices - Sum 41
Dry Your Eyes - The Streets

Goodnight, Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat (thanks sis!)

So there you have it - ten songs to help you with a breakup. For better or for worse, everything passes. I hope some of these tunes help you out. Be good.

How To Be The Nice Guy And Still Get The Girl

It happens all too often and it’s a sad sight to see; a guy thinks he’ll charm a girl by being the rebellious bad boy. Unfortunately, not all girls want to be with Charlie Sheen’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. If this is the case with the girl you’re seeing, you might have to change your tactics because, in this day and age, nice guys don’t always finish last. Here are some ways to be the perfect nice guy and get the girl.

Steal the snake’s venom

Sometimes girls will tell you that they love the bad boy attitude and it’s hard to understand why. He’s dishonest, insincere and rude. All the traits you wouldn’t want to see in a mate. However, he does possess one trait that overpowers all the others: confidence. No matter what you’ll see the bad boy do, he’ll do it with confidence. So even though a woman might be dragged through the mud by her boyfriend, she still knows that he’s a strong, confident man. If you can be a nice guy and still show her you’re confident and strong, then you’re money.

Dangerously Good

You should never confuse being nice with being boring. It’s all too often that nice guys fall into the trap of being boring with all their orthodox compliments and actions. One reason why girls get turned off of the “nice guy” is because he lacks excitement and unpredictability. Try taking her places she’s never been to or do things she’s never done. When the excitement puts her on her toes, she looks to you for guidance and the fact that you’re playing the nice guy makes you look ten times greater.

Don’t let your job define you

One pitfall into which the “nice guy” sometimes falls is talking too much about his job. Unless you’re a professional rock climber or a daredevil, your job is boring. You can’t mask it. It doesn’t usually make for great conversation because, even though you may be passionate about it, she’s not. The “bad boy” will usually talk about exciting events that will grab the date’s attention as opposed to a ritual he does all day every day. Instead of yapping on about your occupation, try talking about life experiences and, if you’re lucky and don’t act boastfully, she’ll be impressed and possibly relate to them.

Over Polite

Chivalry is an art that will never die; however, it can very easily be overdone. When guys get nervous and insecure about a girl’s feelings, they often try to be over polite to compensate. It’s obvious how this can backfire. There’s nothing wrong with opening a door for your date but when you start to stand when she leaves the table and holding her chair while she sits down is a bit excessive and will not only make her feel awkward but also make you seem creepy. Keep the gestures moderate and within current society’s norms and you’ll do just fine.

Save Your Smiles

Even though you may be excited and you’re smiling because you’re nervous, smiling too much makes you seem weak and no woman worth having is drawn to weakness. Everywhere in nature, a smile is sign of fear and submission. From monkeys to wolves, animals use the smile to lower themselves in front of dominant figures. Your smile can be your white flag or your ultimate weapon. Holding your smile for when it counts not only makes you seem more confident, but also makes you appear more sincere in your toothy grin.

Blinded by the light

One of the best trademark techniques of the nice guy is listening. Unlike the “bad boy”, the nice guy will take an interest (or at least pretend to take an interest) in what his date has to talk about. If there’s one subject people love, it’s themselves. When you’re with your date, try keeping the spotlight on her. She’ll love the conversation and, to her mystery, she’ll like you even though she knows little about you. You just seemed so bright the whole night by shining the spotlight on her.

In summary, the ideal “good guy” will take the better points from the “bad boy” and rid himself of all the stereotypes associated with being the nice guy who finishes last. If you manage to find your perfect mix of danger and charm, you’ll not only give your date a great time, but also leave her with a craving for more. Until next time; be good and be cool.

How to Speed Date...Successfully

It’s become more and more obvious that technology is speeding up the pace at which business is done. The result is a population that is obsessed with speed and efficiency. Unfortunately, some individuals carry the same logic over to their dating life. The first steps of dating are stressful and intimidating. That’s why some people are attracted to speed dating. The motivation to go to a sped dating event is to get the process over with as quickly as possible and keeping the awkward moments to a minimum. Don’t be fooled into thinking that speed dating is like a bunch of mini dates. The strategies are quite different. Imagine regular dating a reading various articles in a newspaper. Speed dating is like reading a news paper by its headlines. If the headlines are appealing and clever enough, the reader is enticed to continue reading the newspaper. In the same way, you have to appeal to your date in little time using very few words. On the plus side, maybe this will be better for you because your date won't have much time to realize what a shmuck you are. Here are some ways to ensure you get that second date you’re after.

Save Your Best Smile

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s even more important in this context. Your date knows that you’re seeing a lot of other women that night. If you’re too much of a smile whore then your toothy grin looses all its impact. Instead, hold your smile for the best moments like after she says something entertaining. When she feels that you’re genuinely enjoying yourself, she’ll feel as if she’s something special and that’s what will get you the next date.

Chin Up

While you may only get the chance to express five minutes worth of words, your body language could be screaming “I’m an insecure, douche of a man”. In the short time you have during your audition, it’s crucial that you appear calm and confident since the goal is to pique her curiosity and have her drawn to you even if she doesn’t understand why. Firstly, it’s important to sit up straight. Save your gangsta lean for the Impala. Keeping a straight back shows your full height. In their unconscious primitive minds, women are looking for the best and strongest specimen with whom to mate. Taller individuals are usually seen as being stronger and better leaders. While straightening your posture, you should also be looking. This may seem obvious, but you'd be amazed at how many Neanderthals will slouch in front of their date and fuck the whole thing up for themselves.

Save Your Best Smile

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s even more important in this context. Your date knows that you’re seeing a lot of other women that night. If you’re too much of a smile whore then your toothy grin looses all its impact. Instead, hold your smile for the best moments like after she says something entertaining. When she feels that you’re genuinely enjoying yourself, she’ll feel as if she’s something special and that’s what will get you the next date.

Stay Fresh

In a speed dating situation, odds are that your date’s been asked her occupation and hobbies a thousand times over. She’ll remember you a lot more if you don’t talk about generic topics. Try asking about her favorite childhood cartoon, ideal vacation, etc. Stay away from topics that will make you seem too random or weird. You want to appear original, not as if you live in your parents’ basement and have a booger collection...even though you probably do.

Aim The Spotlight

Although it sometimes may be easier to keep conversation going by talking about yourself, it makes for sucky dialogue. People love themselves more than anyone in the world. Talking about themselves is an incredibly enjoyable activity. If you think about it, the only reason you’re reading this is because it’s about you and not what I did yesterday. This is the exact passion that you should be exploiting. Keep the spotlight on her while you show/fake interest will create a conversation she’ll enjoy. It’s important that the conversation be about something of which she’s passionate and can go on about. Although it’s challenging to find that perfect topic, it pays off in the end.

Appearance is Everything

In the 5 minutes you’ll have with your date, they’ll take a snapshot of how you look and smell. When the brain remembers a face, it creates a caricature image. All the features and defects are exaggerated. This means it’s crucial to look your absolute best because Cindy-Lou won’t easily forget your cowlick or bad breath. Check my section on fixing yourself up to make sure you don’t go out looking like the bum you are.

Even if you follow all these guidelines, there’s no guarantee that you’ll succeed. You should be smart enough to know that. If you’re not, then go away. You don’t deserve to be reading such fine writing. You have to realize that, although the guidelines are crucial, you have to add in your own style and comfort to your dating techniques. Once you become accustomed to the basics of speed dating, you’ll be able to work the situation to your favor. It’s also important not to loose confidence. It’s speed dating; if you screw up, you can try again in 5 minutes. It’s like dating a goldfish. Maybe you won't spend Valentine's day alone again. Be cool and have fun.

Impressing a Date

So you've decided to take a lady out for a fancy dinner but quickly come to the realization that you know shit-all about etiquette. This can either be your time to shine or, alternatively, your opportunity to make a total jackass out of yourself. The outcome of your date could all depend on whether or not you read this article. Now is that a risk you're really willing to take?

Choosing the Restaurant

When choosing a nice place, take a few minute to think of what she might like. Is she fun and adventurous? Try Mexican or Cajun. Romantic and intimate? Go for Italian or French. Quirky and mysterious? How about Japanese or Indian. Try to avoid family joints that could end in embarrassment. Try to be original with your choice. A new experience for both of you could bring you closer.

Basic Table Manners

A few basic gestures go a long way when at the table. Firstly, always wait until the lady is seated. You're a putz if you race to your seat before her. You don't have to make it a big scene and stand up straight like a marine; just casually stall until she sits.
Never play with your cutlery. This may sound stupid and needless to mention, but too many guys will fidget with their utensils out of nervousness. Not only does this make you look like a 5 year-old, but you're also loosing eye contact with your date and just create long awkward silence.
Never refer to any waiter as "garçon", "boy" or "my good man". These clichés won't impress anyone and will only make you look like a pompous douche.

Ordering a Drink (wine)

A properly ordered drink is the first indication that you might, in some way, be cultured in cuisine. If you haven't already read up about wine, don't pretend you know all about it to show off. This will piss off your waiter and could result in you having a bad match with your meal. Instead, ask the waiter (or sommelier) what he would recommend with your meal. When you get the wine, you will be shown the label first. It's important to check the label to make sure you're getting the right wine. People make mistakes and the wrong bottle could cost you a pretty penny or, alternatively, could mean for a mismatched wine with your meal. Now that the wine's been checked, you expect to smell the cork like in the movies, right? Not unless you want to seem like an idiot. The only things you do with the cork is check if it's moldy or cracking. A cracking cork could mean that pieces fell into the wine during fermentation and "corked" it. Mold doesn't mean the wine's bad, taste it first. When initially poured a sample, hold the glass by the stem (so as not to warm it) and smell it (you could examine it for sediment first, but don't take too long, that's pushing it). If it smells like old gym socks, that's the first bad sign. You should be able to pick up on some flowery, fruity or earthy smells. Red wine may need a gentle swirl to aerate. When you taste the wine, don't just gulp it down. Sip a bit and, while it's in your mouth, try to gently chew it. This will again activate some of the palate of the wine. If you like what you're tasting, then you'll give the waiter the okay to pour for the table. He should fill up the woman's glass first then come back to you. One last thing to remember before you enjoy your wine; never swirl a glass of wine that's more than 2/3 full; you risk making a mess of the table and a fool of yourself.

Ordering a Drink (cocktail)

When sitting down at a lounge, you're going to need to know how to order a drink. As classy as the trademark "vodka martini, shaken not stirred" may seem, it's not how we order drinks in the real world. When asking for your chosen liquor, it's important to specify which brand. Otherwise you'll probably be given the cheapest brand available. So a "whiskey and coke" should be a "jack and coke." Next you need to let the waiter/waitress know how much alcohol you want in your mixture (single or double). So far that's a "jack and coke, double." Lastly, you want to let the order taker know in what kind of glass you want your drink: tall or short. That leaves us with a "jack and coke, double-short." On a personal note, two drinks stand out as more masculine than others. Those being: a) jack and coke, whiskey never goes out of fashion as a man's drink. b) absolute and pineapple, vodka mixes very well with juices. Pineapple is something not heard as often as "OJ" or "cranberry" and it's been said to have other benefits.

Ordering Food

Avoid foods that will make you look messy or make a scene. This means that finger-lickin' ribs are best reserved for your night with the guys. If you don't know how to use chopsticks, then either learn now or ask for a fork. Spaghetti is also ill-advised for obvious reasons. Other than that, there's no real rules to which you need to adhere. It's understandable that you might not know everything and it's okay to ask your waiter about a certain meal but try asking your date first. Giving her an opportunity to help you out (even with something so trivial) will make her feel more useful to you and could possibly end up bringing the two of you closer.

Table Etiquette (continued)

Try to avoid looking at your date while she's eating. Eating is a sign of vulnerability and a strong gaze is likely to make her uncomfortable. Carefully avert your line of sight while she's putting food in her mouth. With the corner of your eye, check when she's at least halfway into chewing before looking at her again. This will make you appear less intrusive and will lighten the general atmosphere.

Tipping

A hefty bill tends to discourage many from properly tipping. The tip is something you have to take into consideration while ordering and you can't cheap out at the final round. A fantastic waiter should be seeing about 20% of the total bill. An average waiter that pretty much did their job should get the average 15%. Though you might not want to share this with your date, outright rudeness on the waiter's part might push him/her to 10%. Credit cards make this process a lot easier. Try to avoid annoying debit cards.

What you do after the restaurant is left for you to decide....or wait until I write another article telling you what to do. Eating out shouldn't be a stressful activity. The goal of this article wasn't to scare you, just to bring your attention to certain details that might make a big difference in the outcome of your date. Try to be generally well informed, confident and, above all, in tune with your date. No strict set of rules can tell you what your specific woman is looking for. Relax and enjoy.

Credit/Further research:
http://starchefs.com/features/editors_dish/etiquette/index.shtml
http://www.chiff.com/wine/ordering.htm
http://www.wikihow.com/Order-a-Drink-at-a-Bar