Friday, December 18, 2009

Drinks for Two #8: Rudolph, Your Red-Nosed Uncle

Thank goodness Christmas is finally here! Nothing like wanton spending to boost our economy. What say we celebrate with a drink? You're finding yourself cozying up with your lovely after the kids are asleep; having a party of two, or maybe wanting to introduce some creative Christmas drinks at your next event. Here are some drinks that are sure to keep the chills away.

You'll have

Irish coffee
1/2 oz. of Kahlua
3/4 oz. Irish Whisky
Fill Coffee
Top with Baileys

Note: the ingredients are mixed in that order. The whisky is lit before the coffee is added. The tricky part is having it still flame while you add the coffee.

She'll have

White (Christmas) Russian
3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Kahlua
Fill egg nog

Happy Holidays to you and yours. Good alcohol is my contribution to the evening's merriment. Always drink in moderation while enjoying.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Drinks for Two #7: Channukah Drink Recipes

Time to celebrate the festival of lights! I hope you're excited to light the candles, spin the dreidel and open presents. Among all the excitement, you can't forget the beverages. Nothing eases a person out of the cold and into a warm atmosphere like a well placed drinks. How about you offer your guests something original and Channukah-related this year? Here are some suggestions for drinks that you can serve that no one will find in any bar.

I'll have:

Saba's Hannukah Gelt

1 oz. Canadian Whiskey
1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill Orange Juice

Even Saba deserves his gelt on Channukah. Bonus: the vitamin C from the orange juice will keep your immune system charged this (swine) flu season

She'll have a:

Dairy Dream

2 oz. Bailey's
1 oz. Kahlua
Fill Hot Chocolate
Top whipped cream (optional)

This drink, not only keeps you warm and comforted, but it goes along with the tradition of eating dairy on Hannukah. When Jerusalem was under seige, Yehudit (Judith), an attractive widow, seduced the Syrian general and fed him cheese and wine. The following morning, the Syrian army woke up, found the general's head on one of the gates of Jerusalem and fled.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

How Marijuana is Safer Than Alcohol

"Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell

The main point of Standard Deviations is to put you ahead of the crowd and put your head above the sea of ignorance in our world. Occasionally, social stigmas are made for political reasons and aren't founded in logic or science. Marijuana is one of those cases. Despite what you may think, dope is actually less dangerous than alcohol in every possible way.

A way of measuring a substance's toxicity is by it's lethal dose (LD). The LD50 is the amount of the given substance that will kill 50% of subjects. The LD50 of THC, according to published papers, is such that 1500 lbs. of marijuana would have to be smoked withing 15 minutes in order to reach the lethal level.
The lethal dose of MJ is approximately 1000 times greater than the effective dose. Meaning you would need to smoke 1000 times the regular amount to make it dangerous. As for alcohol, the lethal dose is 10 the effective dose, making the overdose actually possible.
There has never been a reported case of death by marijuana overdose. In contrast, the CDC reports that approximately 22,000 people die every year in the US of alcohol abuse.

Irreversible side effects
No long term effects of MJ have been found. Despite some studies showing a 7-12% decrease in the size of certain brain areas, these effects were not short term and could not be attributed directly t
o marijuana use.
In contrast, long term alcohol consumption has been linked to and increased risk of developing several types of cancer, cirrhosis of the liver and dementia.

Prohibition Origins

The outlawing of MJ wasn't really based on scientific evidence. It was mostly about false assumptions and racism. The man appointed to be the director of the Bureau of Narcotics was a man named Harry J. Anslinger. What pearls of wisdom does he have for us? Let's pull up some quotes:

“There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others.”

Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing”

“Marijuana is the most violence-causing drug in the history of mankind.” (OH NO! Pacifism AND violence?)

If it makes so much sense to repeal MJ laws, why isn't it done? Think about it; MJ is more potent than alcohol, not addictive like alcohol, less lethal than alcohol, cheaper than alcohol and isn't able to be taxed. If you were the government, you'd be outside your mind to make MJ legal. We're trying to work our way out of a recession, not dig ourselves deeper.

What it all boils down to is, which discovery from under little Johnny's bed would worry you more? Mary Jane or Jack Daniels? It's not a matter of being liberal or conservative, clean-cut or hippie. Everyone deserves a say and logic should always prevail.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Martial Arts 101: Intro to the most common martial arts in the UFC

This article is being written in conjunction with my article on how to bet on the UFC (coming soon) but it can also be read as a basic guide to the various popularized martial arts and, hopefully, a guide for an art in which you might one day pursue.

Naturally, if you want to be able to bet on a sport, you have to be familiar with all it's aspects. To my knowledge, no other sport has athletes competing against each other using such vastly different methods and techniques. That's why it's crucial that you study each art and analyze its strengths and weaknesses.

The martial arts of the UFC can be broken down into 2 main categories: striking and grappling. A fighter will either try to knock their opponent out or force them into submission.


Karate (Shotokan, Kyokushin, Kenpo)

Karate is a Japanese term meaning "empty hand." Essentially, many techniques fall under this category, but the Ones most seen in UFC fights are Kyokushin, Shotokan and Kenpo. Karate is base purely on quick, accurate and powerful strikes using both legs and hands. One thing that should be noted about karate practitioners is their ability to focus, even when being charged, and deliver knockout punches. Chuck Lidell is a great example of this; many times he can get his knockouts while backing out of a flurry of his opponent’s strikes. The lesson to take from this: never underestimate karate’s defense against both rushed striking and grappling clinches.


Boxing is a stand up art focused purely on punching. Needless to say, boxers carry devastating punches. They also focus on their footwork and upper body motion which gives them an edge on dodging punches and high kicks. Where they tend to lack experience is in ground work and low kicks. Their emphasis on the upper body might have them forget about the low kicks, making their legs easy to weaken. A boxer with beaten up legs entering a grapple has his odds severely reduced. However, the odds of seeing a MMA fighter with only a boxing background are slim to none unless you're watching a UFC in the single digits. Nowadays, boxers will round themselves out with a grappling art like wrestling or BJJ. Still, even with the grappling, boxers have trouble against legs. Example: Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, fmr. UFC heavyweight champ with a boxing/wrestling background, has been KO'd and TKO'd exclusively by kicks and knees.


Developed in Korea, Taekwondo is all about kicks. Literally, the name "Taekwondo" translates to "the foot and fist strike art", however kicks dominate the art. In a moment's notice, a TKD artist can deliver a knockout kick straight to the head. Fighters who go mad punching and rarely work on their dodges and dips run the risk of being floored by any number of TKD kicks. Like boxing, I can't think of any fighter who solely relies on TKD for their experience. A TKD fighter will usually have a grappling art under his belt as well (eg. Anderson Silva). Mostly what a TKD experience should tell you is that you can give "kicking proficiency" a big check plus plus on the fighter's profile. When it comes to range, TKD wins hands down. Not only does it emphasize the use of the legs as its primary weapon, but TKD also stresses mobile kicks. To achieve greater range, fighters will move forward as they kick in order to achieve the maximum possible reach advantage. (see video below)

Muay Thai (or Thai Boxing)

Muay Thai is Thailand's kickboxing. Whereas regular kickboxing consist of punches and kicks, MT throws elbows and knees into the mix. Why? 'Cause the Thai are just that much more badass. Knees and elbows are dangerous for two reasons. Firstly, they direct a tremendous amount of force into a relatively small area on the the body, causing devastating damage. Secondly, they allow the fighter, who's already dangerous at long range, to be dangerous at close range and clinch attempts. A grappler who's too slow on his clinch will find himself barraged with a MT expert's knees aimed directly at his face.


Kickboxing, I assume, needs little explanation. Basically, it's boxing with kicks thrown into the mix. The result is a fighter who will wear his opponent down with lightning fists then, without notice, deliver a wrecking ball of a kick to the temple. Despite the fact that kickboxing consists of both punches and kicks, it crucial to realize that the majority of KB fighters will favor their legs knockout. Legs have both longer reach and, since they've perfected the accuracy of their kicks, a tibia whipped at an opponents temple will almost always result in a KO. This gives them an edge over fighters using a shorter range technique like boxing.


Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ)

The UFC you know and love was made by the Gracie family purely to show the world that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu kicks the shit out of any other martial art. It just so happens that it did exactly that. For the first few UFCs, BJJ dominated all other fighting styles. Just to show that it wasn't brute force and was actually a flawless technique that was conquering UFC belts, the Gracie family elected that Royce Gracie be the one to fight instead of the older and larger brothers. The logic that if Royce, who was flirting with 180 lbs, could submit any fighter that stepped into the ring with him, then there must be something to this BJJ.

As for the technical side, BJJ is a grappling sport based on gaining a dominant position and, from that position, have the dominant fighter utilize his largest muscle groups, along with his body weight, to exploit the smallest, weakest joints on the opponent and extend them past their normal range of motion to the point that the pain becomes intolerable. The reason this was so successful was that, all the other martial artists that had fought Royce had never before been in such a scenario where they're on their backs on the ground, especially not the boxer (see UFC 1 vid).

Whereas with other martial arts I mentioned that fighters would combine another martial art to get some sort of balance, you will occasionally see fighters coming in with a background heavily saturated in BJJ.

Wrestling (and Greco-Roman Wrestling)

Wrestlers in the UFC have one goal: to slam their opponent on the mat....hard. Wrestlers have the amazing ability to rob their enemy of a center of gravity and bring them down hard. From this point they'll either attempt to submit or, more likely, ground and pound away until either the opponent or ref decides that enough is enough. Ground and pound, you have to realize, is much more dangerous than standing punches. (watch this video).

While the video goes over all the essential benefits of ground and pound, one point that I see as misleading is when they state that G&P seldom leads to a knockout. You can't say that each of Couture's punches are double that of a heavyweight boxer then, in the next sentence, that it seldom leads to a knockout because of "turtling up." Take into consideration that:

a) The opponent cannot move back

b) The fighter's strikes are aided by gravity/body weight

c) The opponent's counterstrikes are weakened by gravity

d) The oppenent's body is absorbing much more shock from the strike since the ground is preventing recoil

The truth of the matter is that ground and pound is lethal and the only reason an announcer would make such a statement is to (poorly) segway into the next topic.


Judo is meant to be a soft and gentle art. Practitioners (judoka) learn to use the momentum of their opponent against them. It's from judo that sambo, aikido and Brazilian jiu jitsu originated. Judoka have their way of removing their opponents' supporting leg then, when the weight shifts, topple them onto the mat for an unforgiving joint lock. While there are strikes in judo, they're not directed at a knockout; rather, to facilitate an inevitable takedown.



An anagram for "self defence without weapons", the Russian Sambo was originally designed as a military self-defence technique. Only later did it become a sport. It includes the fierce strikes of karate, the unbearable submissions of judo and the devastating slams of wreslting. It shouldn't surprise you to see a fighter using a purely sambo background since it is, in itself, a complete MMA fighting style. Weaknesses in sambo practitioners vary from fighter to fighter since, in theory, their style encorporates all factions of UFC fighting. One of the most famous fighters using sambo is Fedor Emilianenko. You won't be seeing him in the UFC, but that's politics I won't get into.

Other arts that are popular but just aren't suited for UFC, for various reasons, include (but aren't limited to):

Aikido, savate, sumo and capoeira

So there you have it, a BRIEF intro to the main martial arts you'll be seeing in the UFC. I stress that these descriptions are neither complete nor is the list exhaustive. If you have any arts you feel are worth mentioning, comment below and I'll add to the list.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Drinks for Two #6: Sleeping Up Appearances

The night's been wild and unforgettable. You, being your classy self, have managed to keep your date enthralled for hours on end. Suddenly, the words that, without exception, bring a tear to any man's eyes resonate through the thick bar air: "last call" It's time to order your final drink before you get the hell out.
You'll have a:

Bloody Mary/Caesar (extra spicy)

1 1/4 oz. Vodka
Dash salt
Dash pepper
Dash worchestershire
Few dashes tobasco
Dash celery salt
Fill with tomato/clamato juice
(Note: All "dash" ingredients are by taste. 100's of ratios exist)

Read my article on hangovers to learn why this is the perfect final drink.

She'll have a:

Harvey Wallbanger

1 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Galliano
Fill orange juice

The more savvy drinkers will quickly realize that this is a screwdriver with galliano (vanilla liqueur). Again, check the hangover post for why OJ and vodka are good. The galliano adds a new twist she might not have tried all while keeping her buzzed for the afterparty (of two) to come.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Drinks for Two #5:I'm a Classhole

You find yourself at a corporate event in a slightly higher class venue. In attempt to mingle with a slightly higher class crowd, you'd like to order something that comes in cocktail glasses. There's always a chance that your non-screwdriver will strike up conversation; in which case you won't have to awkwardly talk about how unpredictable the weather's been. The following drinks are both traditionally served in cocktail glasses.

You'll have a:

1 1/2 oz. Brandy
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. Lemon Juice or Bar mix

She'll have a:

Lychee martini

1 1/2 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Soho
1 oz. Lychee Juice

Sunday, August 9, 2009

How To Gamble on the UFC: Understanding Betting Lines

So you've decided that you know enough about The Ultimate Fighting Championship to start backing your word with some cold hard cash. Before you go running to your bookie with a fistful of dollars, it might be worth your while to first learn how the whole system works.

Before we start anything, it's 100% critical that you be familiar with every martial art you may see in the UFC. Gambling successfully is all about what you know. The more you know, the more educated your bet and the better your chances are at winning. I wrote up an intro to the most common martial arts in the UFC, I suggest you take a look. I included a YouTube video with each art so you can get the basic idea.

The following article explains the concept of betting lines and a basic favorite/underdog betting strategy. More will come regularly

Betting lines

Betting lines tell you the odds of your fighter as well as their potential payout. In the American system, you'll see something like this:

Lyoto Machida (-500)
Mauricio Rua (+300)

The numbers and calculations, though they may appear complicated, are actually very simple.
Firstly, + represents an underdog and - represents a favorite.

Underdog betting
In the case of the underdog, the number represents how much money you'd win if you bet $100

A $100 bet on Rua (+300) would give you a potential winning of $300
A $15 bet on Rua (+300) would give you a potential winning of $45

I'm a heavy believer in betting on the underdog. Why? Look at the payoff stats. Using these lines as an example, betting the underdog gives me a 300% return. With these potential winnings, I only need to be right 1 out of 3 times to break even. In a series of 3, the odds of me getting 3 wrong when the line is +300 (I'll explain how to calculate odds from the betting line soon) is 42.2%. This means that, in a given series of three +300 lines, there is a 67.8% chance of you breaking even. In contrast, with a line that is -500, like the favorite seen above, the payoff is 20%. With a payoff like that, breaking even means only making 1 mistake out of 6 picks. The odds of you picking 5 winners, even with a -500 line, is 32.6%

Favorite betting
In the case of the favorite, the number represents how much you'd have to bet to win $100

A $500 bet on Machida (-500) would give you a potential winning of $100
A $15 bet on Machida (-500) would give you a potential winning of $3

Calculating odds based on lines

For the favorite (-)

(betting line + 100)/Betting line


For the underdog (+)

100/(betting line + 100)


Drinks for Two #4: I came, I saw, I conked her

The dance floor is packed, the lights are strobing and the music is pumping at what feels like 300 BPM. You and your date push through the crowd to make your way to the bar. You're both feeling silly and want to order a shot that you wouldn't ask for in front of your mother. Before ordering remember that shots should be ordered in sets of 3 or more. Any less is just a hassle for the bartender to make.

I'll have a:

Red Headed Slut

1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps
1/2 oz. Jaegermeister
1/4 oz. Cranberry Juice

She'll have an:

1/2 oz. Bailey's
1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps
1/4 oz. Grenadine

WARNING: If your bartender is some 19 year old bimbo who got hired for little other reason than her rack, you'll just seem like a douche in front of your date when the half-watt behind the bar will have no clue how to make an abortion, red headed slut, juicy pussy, blowjob, porn star, slippery nipple or buttery nipple.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Drinks for Two #3: Let there be night

You just sat down at a cozy restaurant after a long, relaxing day at the beach. You and your partner both agree you'd like something refreshing while the cool breeze kissing your face brings about a sudden desire for warmth. Getting the best of both worlds is easy if you know what to order:

I'll have a:

Hot Southern Night

3/4 oz. Goldschlager
1/2 oz. Southern Comfort
Fill Cola

The lady will have a:

Killer Kool-Aid

3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Melon Liquer
Fill Cranberry Juice

Did you hear the one about the blind prostitute?
Oh, you gotta hand it to her.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Drinks for Two #2: Summer better than others

Summer's here and you're both looking for something cool and refreshing for sitting outside on a nice terrace.

I'll have a:

Gin Fizz

1 1/2 oz. Dry Gin
1 oz. simple syrup
2 oz. lemon juice
Fill club soda

The lady will have a:


1 1/2 oz. White Rum
1 oz. lime juice
2 tbsp. sugar
3 sprigs mint
Fill club soda

The lime juice, mint and sugar get muddled in the glass first and are then topped with the rum and soda.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Drinks for Two #1: Chilling in the name of

You're having a great time with your date, both enjoying eachother's company. Laughing and joking, you make your way to the bar. The bartender asks what you two will have. She says "get me something I'll like." You panic as you realize you know nothing outside of a rum & coke, screwdriver and vodka martini - shaken not stirred. Clumsily, you try to spot an alcohol behind the bar and think of a juice and spit the two out at the barman.
"Drinks for two" will be an ongoing article giving you ideas what to order yourself and your date as you approach the bar.

I'll have a:

Perfect Manhattan
1 1/2 oz. Canadian Club
1/2 oz. Dry Vermouth
1/2 oz. Sweet Vermouth
2 Dashes Angostura Bitters

The lady will have a:

3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
1/4 oz Triple Sec
Fill Bar Mix

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

How to Cure/Avoid a Hangover

The holy grail of every decent drinking man is the ultimate cure to the anything but elusive hangover. By "decent" drinking I don't mean the 3 Smirnoff Twisteds you slurp down while watching figure skating with your gal pals. I'm talking about the kind of drinking that would get Dracula smashed off your life juice. It's the kind of drinking that makes you swear off alcohol for life...then has you crawling back a week later. I had a look (and try) at all the popular remedies, here's what works and why:

Black coffee the next morning - Not Effective. While I don't particularly enjoy my coffee black, it is helpful. In my
opinion, it doesn't have to be coffee. It just has to be strong in caffeine. Alcohol shrinks your red blood cells when it enters your blood stream. Once it leaves, your blood vessels re-expand causing severe discomfort. Caffeine, like alcohol, also has the ability to constrict your blood vessels. Doing so relieves the discomfort caused by the rapid expansion. The reason this only works slightly is because the relief is fleeting. Coffee, being a diuretic, causes your body to lose even more fluids. When your lacking fluids as it is, draining out even more won't help your cause. Stay away from the caffeine.

Multivitamin - Somewhat effective. Vitamin C and Vitamin B both help the body break down and metabolize the alcohol that' s been suddenly introduced into your system. A multivitamin will also replace some minerals lost in the drinking process. A simple vitamin isn't hard to obtain or ingest and it's just a good habit to take your daily vitamin.

Tall glass of water before bed - Very effective. The main reason for your hangover is because of dehydration. A night of binge drinking drains your body of it's vital water. Forcing yourself to drink a full glass of water ensures that your body won't become a California raisin overnight.

Advil - Not effective. Any pain relief is quite temporary. Also, you have a chance of upsetting your already sensitive stomach and making the situation worse for yourself.

Choose vodka - Somewhat effective. Earlier I mentioned that the main cause of the hangover is dehydration. The second cause is the methyl alcohol you ingested. While ethyl alcohol is the good type that gets you drunk, methyl alcohol is the toxic type that will cause you to go blind and, eventually, kill you. Vodka, by nature, is voided of as many impurities as possible. Also the finer the vodka, the better the filtration, meaning less methyl to give you a hangover. Next time it comes to choosing between your fifth Jaeger bomb or a Ketel One with lime know where to go, Boris.

Eat a juicy fruit before bed - Somewhat effective. Again, this follows the principle of rehydrating yourself as well as replacing lost nutrients. Also, drained in the drinking process are your blood sugars. A juicy, sweet pair before bed should help keep your blood sugar level within range through the night.

Ginseng - Not effective. Your local Chines herbal remedy store owner might be quick to prescribe ginseng for your morning-after cranial contractions but don't fall for it. Ginseng, like coffee, is a diuretic and will have you even more dehydrated than before.

Bloody Mary - Effective. Mrs. B Mary has her way of replenishing drained vitamins and mineral, reshrinking blood vessels and rehydrating the body slightly. There is good reason why the Bloody Mary is the classic hangover recipe. I like to add extra Tabasco because not only do spicy foods make you feel full quicker (read my article on slimming foods), but it also speeds up your metabolism, helping your body burn off the unwelcomed alcohol.

Exercise - Effective. A quality exercise will bring cleansing oxygen to your lungs, loosen your stiffened muscles and return proper blood flow to all the areas that need it. While a good workout can do wonders for your hangover, the wrong movements at the wrong pace at the wrong intensity will just make your throbbing head and achy muscles much worse. There are a few important things to remember when choosing your routine. Before you do anything, drink heaps of water. Your body is dehydrated and you're about to sweat out even more water.
  • Don't do movements that involve compressing your body. This will sporadically raise your blood pressure and will cause added nausea
  • Don't lower your head past your heart. The blood rushing to your head will put unneeded pressure on the blood vessels and will amp up that incessant throbbing
  • Opt for light, low impact workouts like yoga, ellipse machine or light weight/high rep workouts
  • Give yourself a slow, proper stretch before and after your workout. The last thing you want is to add cramping to the list of why your body is killing you.
  • Take frequent sips of water. Remember, you're still on the red line for dehydration
  • Some laps in the pool could be the ideal relaxing, low impact workout if your able to do so.
Drinking lime juice - Not Effective. Apparently this helps with your blood sugar level and vitamine c. In my opinion it's too little too late.

Berocca - Not Effective. For those who don't know, Berocca is a tablet made by Bayer that's said to prevent or relieve hangovers. Essentially, Berocca is some vitamin C and Bs. A multivitamin with a glass of spicy V8 will do a much better job.

Of course, the #1 cure prevention for a hangover, which never fails, is don't stop drinking ;)

I encourage you to message me with other hangover preventions/remedies you've heard of. I'd like to take a look into them. Until next time, have fun, party hard and know that everyone around you would prefer your half digested food remain inside your stomach, so moderation is key. Lates, sucka.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Top 10 Breakup Songs

So you've called it off with your sweetheart and you're generally down in the dumps. You just can't bring yourself to listen to the hip-hop or rap you used to. You're not feeling G or like dancing at a club. You just feel like boiled shit and you want your music to acknowledge how you're feeling. I've been there too, champ. It bones. Being the nice guy I am, the following is 10 songs you might enjoy listening to now.

I Hate You – Sick Puppies
There’s not much to explain about this song. It’s sometimes just a cathartic release to keep saying “I hate you.”
Quotable line: “I know you think you hate me but I will always hate you more.”

I Hate Everything About You – Three Day’s Grace
It’s weird suddenly hating someone you’ve loved for so long. It’s a mix of emotions that makes the next few days and weeks a roller coaster of emotions.
Quotable line: “All the feelings that I get, but I still don’t miss you yet”

Just – Radiohead
At a certain point, enough is enough. You have to get up, brush off the dust and get back into the game. After a while, she’s out of the equation and the only reason your down in the dumps is that you’re so full of self-pity that it cripples you. You do it to yourself.
Quotable line: “You do it to yourself, you do, and that's what really hurts”

Song for the Dumped – Ben Folds Five
Here’s another song that doesn’t need explanation. It’s a little lighter and upbeat…but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a bitch.
Quotable line: “So you wanted to take a break, slow down and have some space…well fuck you too”

Tearing Away – Drowning Pool
At the end of the day, you’re the only one who matters. If someone can’t help you make money or feel good about yourself, they’re useless to you and don’t merit your attention.
Quotable line: “I don’t care about anyone else but me.”

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson
Sometimes the best guys get paired up with the shittiest types of girls. You try to make it work and you bend over backwards for her, but she can’t appreciate it and never changes or commits. There are better people for you to devote your time.
Quotable line: “I can’t always be waiting on you.”

Only – Nine Inch Nails
Infatuation causes us to see what we want to see and not what’s really there. You try so hard to convince yourself that your girl is great but eventually you come to grips that she’s actually a waste of tampons and all her positive features are just figments of your imagination. Sorry about the attached video. I’m not big on the fan-made videos but this is the only uncensored version I found on YouTube and, I’m sorry, but the line “There is no fucking you” was just too crucial. A silence just adds an annoying pause and implies an unfitting inhibition.
Quotable line: “…you were never really real. I just made you up to hurt myself”

The Pot – Tool
The title, in my opinion, has a double meaning. Firstly, it’s based around the expression “the pot calling the kettle black”, whereas “the pot” represents an annoying hypocrite. Secondly, with all the marijuana references in the song, “the pot” can also be the drug abuse that would explain a person running their mouth with contradicting hypocritical bullshit. After an argument, you think back to all the stupid shit she said and how her actions blatantly contradict them. Ignorant bitch.
Quotable line: “Foot in mouth and head up ass-hole. Whatcha talkin' 'bout?

Friend is a Four Letter Word – Cake
“Four letter word” is an expression that means a swear word. Most swears tend to be four letters (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, dick, tits). Sometimes the offer to be friends is so much of an insult that “friend” might as well be a four-letter word.
Quotable line: “I'm really only praying that the words you'll soon be saying might betray the way you feel about me.

Whiskey Hangover – Godsmack
Sometimes that breakup just throws you into that self-destructive downward spiral. Fuck off, it happens to the best of us. You go ahead and grow that stubble, loosen the tie and have a gritty conversation with Mr. Jack D.
Quotable line: “so what if i never wanna be sober? So what if i wanna be numb all the time?

Honorable Mentions:
So there you have it - ten songs to help you with a breakup. For better or for worse, everything passes. I hope some of these tunes help you out. Be good.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Shaken, Not Stirred

So I just heard about this Dr. Oetker muffin shaker. Apparently it's this container half filled with muffin mix. You fill the rest with either water or milk and shake then pour into your muffin tray. The muffins have 0 trans fats and are a good source of fiber. I can't help but wonder what would happen if one would decide to partially substitute the milk with Baily's Irish Cream. The result would probably be some kickass muffins that would be the hit of the party. Given the ease of making the muffins, you could probably make them when you're already 3 drinks in.
Usually I'd be against lazyness, but this is a pretty good timesaving idea.
Making muffins always makes a powdery mess, then a goopy mess and dirties a mixing bowl & spoon. This way, all the mess is contained into one small jug that just gets thrown away at the end. You couldn't ask for less hassle. I would say it's the best for whipping up a breakfast of champs. Preparing muffin batter while working on other things could be a time consuming hassle. I think I'd much rather the shake 'n' pour routine....since I'm a lot better than you, you should do the same.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How to Properly Drink a Beer

While it seems like a simple enough chore, you'd be surprised how many people screw up the task of prepping a standard beer. I'm not talking about the gallons of beer you think you can consume in a keg stand with all your (imaginary) friends cheering you on. I'm talking about the hearty beer you have when you come into a warm pub on a dark and snowy night. I'm talking about that thirst-killing, chilled beer you enjoy on a restaurant terrace on the day when thermometers start sweating. Those are the beers for which you take every measure to fully enjoy. Here are some tips of which you might not hav known that'll ensure you get the most out of your beer.


Before we get into the serving part, we have to discuss you handling your beer. While beer is the hearty drink of men, as an alcohol it’s very sensitive. There are very strict precautions that need to taken in order to fully enjoy the drinking experience. Beer easily degrades in quality from every factor imaginable. Beer needs to be treated like a hemophiliac; limit shaking, light, heat, sudden cold, dust.

Light Exposure
Minimize your beer's exposure to light. Beer is in a brown bottle to reduce the light getting in. Corona's clear bottle is purely aesthetic since it allows more light to get it and potentially skunk your beer faster. Be extra careful with the clear ones.


Go easy on the speed bumps as you and your man-date, Craig, blaze through 5th avenue in your Jetta. Unlike Craig, the beer doesn't appreciate being jerked around. The last thing you want is your beer to go flat within 30 seconds of opening.

Cool Storage

Different beers are best served at different temperatures. Your lighter pale ales will be fine on a cellar floor. Spicier, darker stouts are served at room temperature so that you can fully appreciate all the aromas. Making the beer as cold as possible just dulls all the flavors by numbing your palate and inhibiting aroma. While that may be cool for the frat party you'll never remember, it's not favorable when sampling a quality beer.


Choosing the proper glassware for your beer is the first crucial step. Not all beers are best flaunted in the same glass. Firstly, make sure the glass is super clean and free from any settled dust. Any impurities will make the beer go flat faster as well as degrade the flavor.

Pilsner, flute - Tall & slender. Best for light ales. Slim shape holds a head as well as carbon dioxide

Pint Glass, chalice, goblet, tulip - Wide & Tall. Best for dark beers. Large surface allows for a better palate spread and aromas


A lot of bars will serve you your beer in a chilled glass and you, being a novice drinker, don’t know that a sudden change in temperature will “shock” your beer. If you’re planning on enjoying a quality ale, colder seldom means better. Under 11 degrees, the flavors of your beer get dulled out. The myth of the cold, refreshing, quality beer was most probably created by commercial beer companies who tried to find a way of reducing the quantity of ingredients without their clientele noticing.

When pouring from a tap, hold the glass straight until a nice little head forms. The second it does, tilt your glass 45 degrees to allow the beer being poured in to slide under the head you created.

Should you be served a bottle and a glass, never simply opt to drink from the bottle because it's "more comfortable." Firstly, your bottled beer was meant to be poured out. It's over carbonated in the bottle. Drinking it straight won't allow you to enjoy the proper flavor of your beer. It'll also cause you to be quite gassy because due to the excess carbon dioxide. It's especially important to make good use of your glass when you have a very large bottle of beer. The constant up and down of the bottle will give you a very flat 2nd half of a beer. Instead, fill your glass and let the large bottle sit still so as not to encourage unneeded fizz release.

Mixing beer

I don’t assume that, when you buy beer, you’re buying a case of imports. I know you and your frat buddies are getting two-fours of Coors Light, Budweiser and Labatt Bleue. What happens when the ladies (or the effeminate men of Phi Alpha Gamma) come over? How do you make your commercial beers enjoyable to people not downing them in a keg stand? Making beer cocktails is quite easy since the preparation is minimal and the results are quite novel.

Fuzzy Peach – Add a shot of peach schnapps to your light beer
Beer Buster – Add a shot of vodka and a few dashes of Tabasco
Mexicano – Add tawny or dark tequila to your Corona
Boiler Maker - Add a shot of whiskey to your Amber Ale
Black Velvet - Add a 2 shots of cider to your Guinness 

The rest is up to you. Drink slowly, try to enjoy every aspect of the beer. Let it hit all your taste buds, your palate and pay attention to the aftertaste. Happy drinking, Sucka.