12 Ways To Extend Your Laptop Battery Life

So I'm sitting in the library, saving the world using nothing but a laptop and my trusty jockstrap when, suddenly, my laptop runs out of battery. It seems as if I get less and less time out of my laptop every time. I've decided to go on a quest for longer battery life. I know you want to be just like me, so here's how you can do the same:

1) Uninstall unnecessary programs - This is easy. In the control panel, just click the "Add/Remove Program icon and remove anything you don't use'

2) Clean out your spyware - Spyware can cause unneeded processes to run and waste your battery. Download Spybot S&D and Ad-Aware to fully rid your computer of the pesky bugs. (They're both free, you cheapass)

3) Clean your registry - With all the porn software you download, your registry can get pretty messed up and it can cause your computer to work harder for nothing. Download Wise Registry Cleaner and have your registry spic and span.

4) Blackwash your desktop - Whatever can customized on your desktop in terms of color (ie: windows, taskbar, wallpaper. etc.) should be black. Your laptop screen is normally black and the white is created with a backlight. The less you use your backlight, the more battery power you save. For my windows I use Windows Blinds (that costs money...unless you torrent it) and I use a free skin for Firefox (internet browser). Be careful not to apply Windows Blinds to Firefox. Create an exception for Firefox since, together, they'll suck up a lot of resources. Instead of using Google, use Blackle. It's the same thing but in black. Here's what my desktop looks like. I also like to dim my screen for extra saving.

5) Defragment your hard drive - Your system files, like your messy house, will eventually look like a war zone and nothing is where it should be. When your hard drive has to run around looking for its files, it wastes a lot of battery power. Defragmenting your hard drive will put everything back where it belongs. Go to Start>All Programs>Accessories>System Tools>Disk Defragmenter and push "Defragment." Easy, huh?

6) Stop useless processes - If you're smart enough, you can push Ctrl+Alt+DDel and stop useless process like iTunesUpdater and other useless processes

7) Turn off your wireless card - Some of the newer laptops have a button on the outside that can turn off the wireless network car. If have the ability to do this, then you can save your computer a lot of battery if you don't plan on using the internet.

8) Mute your speakers - Obvious reasons

9) Ditch the auto-save - MS word's autosave feature will use up resources

10) Keep your laptop running at room temperature - When it's too cold, your battery becomes inefficient and when it's too hot, your fan has to work harder to keep your processor cool.

11) Avoid DVDs and CDs - The motor that spins your DVD or CD takes up extra battery power. Running off the hard drive prevents you from having to rely on CD/DVDs

12) Increase your RAM - The more random access memory (RAM) your computer has, the less hard it needs to work to run all the processes. Upping your RAM will give you a noticeably longer battery life.

The extra time you'll get out of your laptop will vary. Personally, I managed to double my CPU life by applying most of these methods. I'm sure that, if you follow these guidelines, you'll see some significant increase in your battery time and you won't have to cut your porn time short. Enjoy, suckas.

iPhone Sucks And So Do You

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid shit like the iPhone manage to skyrocket in popularity. There are an infinite number of things that suck about the iPhone yet Apple has still managed to convince a handful of idiots with too much money that it's some sort of status symbol. Just for shits and giggles, lets review a list of things that we hate about the iPhone. Feel free to join in whenever.
1) One drop and you'll go running to repair your cracked screen
2) It's shape (similar to that of a 3-pack of condoms) is not convenient as a phone.
3) The internet is nowhere near as fast as the commercials show.
4) No removable battery means a headache whenever you need a new battery or anything that involves taking out the battery.
5) You're paying over 500 bucks for shit you can do on a regular phone but you're just too lazy to figure out how.
6) No games to play when you're bored in a waiting room.
7) Unlike a decent PDA, iPhone will not sync with Outlook. Why? Because Microsoft and Apple aren't best buddies.
8) Those of you who invested the whopping 500 or more for the iphone will be disappointed when they realize that it won't be long till better shit comes out. This isn't the phone to end all phones.
9) Where my Bluetooth/MMS/IM/GPS at?
10) If you want to unlock your iPhone, you better be willing to risk it becoming an iBrick.
11) Those of you who are annoying pricks with your musical ringtones will be sad to hear that iPhone provides no such thing.

Sigh, that was 10 minutes of ranting about the iPhone and I've had my fill. I feel sorry for the suckers who actually buy the damn things. Apparently if I type things like "iPhone applications", "iphone wallpaper", iphone porn" i'll get more hits. Haha, I bet there will be some dumbasses running in here looking for their fix of wallpaper, applications and porn. Too bad, sucka!