Thursday, September 27, 2007

Talking to the People You Hate

There are 6 billion people in this world and each one can be useful to you and provide you with something. If they happen to be your friend, then great, they already provide you companionship. If, on the other hand, they're your enemies, then you have no use for them. Not only will they not help you with anything, but they might also hinder your progress in the future. In simple terms, enemies are not productive. Even if their voice gives you a migraine and their face boils your blood, never sever ties with anyone no matter how much they annoy you. There is always some way that someone will be useful to you. Always be civil because you never know when you might call upon that car salesman for a good deal on a new Jeep or the plumber with some pipe problems. As much as you may hate someone, always make them think you two are chums. Though they may annoy you, interacting with these assholes improperly can result in a setback in your personal or professional life. In this random brain fart of mine, I'll discuss some tips for making the best of these situations.

Avoid direct gaze - Looking directly in someone's eyes will only further aggravate you. To help you keep a cool and logical head, shift your gaze a few inches to the left. If this annoying person is superior to you (ie: boss, supervisor), go as far as their right ear but no further. Straying your gaze too much might make you seem arrogant. If however you are the dominant one in the conversation, it's ok to even look away while the person is talking to you. This will help you collect your thoughts while you avoid the distracting eye-to-eye contact. At the same time it send the signal that you are listening to them, but also mentally incorporating ideas of your own into the situation.

Breath - As simple as it may sound, always try to breath deeply and properly. Full and proper breaths bring an invigorating dose of oxygen to your brain and keep you alert. Improper breathing will have you feeling cranky and more likely to act rash and give in to your less mature side causing you to act foolishly in this stressful situation. To aid proper breathing, sit up straight. Slouching puts pressure on your diaphragm and lowers the capacity of your lung. When you feel yourself getting annoyed with the person, straighten up and fill your lungs with that rich, oh so yummy oxygen that you crave. It'll make all the difference. A straight, proper posture will give you the appearance as being more confident and will reduce the badgering by others. For more detail, check

Be a tool man
- A good tool man makes good use of his tools. I've been burned several times by my heat gun at home but that won't stop me from using it. Obviously, at those times, I wasn't using it properly. I will, however, keep using my heat gun because it kicks ass at loosening paint before I scrape it. In the same way, a person in your life may hurt you occasionally. This isn't reason to sever ties, rather a lesson on how to properly use the person. For example if one of your friends is a loud mouth and can't hold a secret, use them to spread word of a party. Everyone can be useful to you. If you let someone annoy you then your not using them properly.

Stay away from the funhouse - If you don't want to bring out the traits that you hate so much in the person, don't give them a chance to mirror them. For example, if your acquaintance is full of himself/herself, don't start talking about yourself as it will have break out into a full out rant about how amazing they are. You have to realize that an annoying person is like a funhouse mirror. Your moderate actions will be reflected in either blown up or minimized proportions. Try to find the flat spot in the mirror where you can have a rewarding conversation without being peeved by the annoying reaction as a result of the person's severe character flaws.

Well I guess that about wraps it up. I don't want to go into too much detail. this is supposed to be easy, short reading, not a novel. If this peaked your interest then you should definitely check your library for "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Always remember that enemies are useless and it is imperative to find a way around anyone's flaws. This will not only allow you to advance in your business and social life, but also make you less stressed and possibly live a healthier life.