Thursday, March 20, 2008

How to Speed Date...Successfully

It’s become more and more obvious that technology is speeding up the pace at which business is done. The result is a population that is obsessed with speed and efficiency. Unfortunately, some individuals carry the same logic over to their dating life. The first steps of dating are stressful and intimidating. That’s why some people are attracted to speed dating. The motivation to go to a sped dating event is to get the process over with as quickly as possible and keeping the awkward moments to a minimum. Don’t be fooled into thinking that speed dating is like a bunch of mini dates. The strategies are quite different. Imagine regular dating a reading various articles in a newspaper. Speed dating is like reading a news paper by its headlines. If the headlines are appealing and clever enough, the reader is enticed to continue reading the newspaper. In the same way, you have to appeal to your date in little time using very few words. On the plus side, maybe this will be better for you because your date won't have much time to realize what a shmuck you are. Here are some ways to ensure you get that second date you’re after.

Save Your Best Smile

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s even more important in this context. Your date knows that you’re seeing a lot of other women that night. If you’re too much of a smile whore then your toothy grin looses all its impact. Instead, hold your smile for the best moments like after she says something entertaining. When she feels that you’re genuinely enjoying yourself, she’ll feel as if she’s something special and that’s what will get you the next date.

Chin Up

While you may only get the chance to express five minutes worth of words, your body language could be screaming “I’m an insecure, douche of a man”. In the short time you have during your audition, it’s crucial that you appear calm and confident since the goal is to pique her curiosity and have her drawn to you even if she doesn’t understand why. Firstly, it’s important to sit up straight. Save your gangsta lean for the Impala. Keeping a straight back shows your full height. In their unconscious primitive minds, women are looking for the best and strongest specimen with whom to mate. Taller individuals are usually seen as being stronger and better leaders. While straightening your posture, you should also be looking. This may seem obvious, but you'd be amazed at how many Neanderthals will slouch in front of their date and fuck the whole thing up for themselves.

Save Your Best Smile

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s even more important in this context. Your date knows that you’re seeing a lot of other women that night. If you’re too much of a smile whore then your toothy grin looses all its impact. Instead, hold your smile for the best moments like after she says something entertaining. When she feels that you’re genuinely enjoying yourself, she’ll feel as if she’s something special and that’s what will get you the next date.

Stay Fresh

In a speed dating situation, odds are that your date’s been asked her occupation and hobbies a thousand times over. She’ll remember you a lot more if you don’t talk about generic topics. Try asking about her favorite childhood cartoon, ideal vacation, etc. Stay away from topics that will make you seem too random or weird. You want to appear original, not as if you live in your parents’ basement and have a booger collection...even though you probably do.

Aim The Spotlight

Although it sometimes may be easier to keep conversation going by talking about yourself, it makes for sucky dialogue. People love themselves more than anyone in the world. Talking about themselves is an incredibly enjoyable activity. If you think about it, the only reason you’re reading this is because it’s about you and not what I did yesterday. This is the exact passion that you should be exploiting. Keep the spotlight on her while you show/fake interest will create a conversation she’ll enjoy. It’s important that the conversation be about something of which she’s passionate and can go on about. Although it’s challenging to find that perfect topic, it pays off in the end.

Appearance is Everything

In the 5 minutes you’ll have with your date, they’ll take a snapshot of how you look and smell. When the brain remembers a face, it creates a caricature image. All the features and defects are exaggerated. This means it’s crucial to look your absolute best because Cindy-Lou won’t easily forget your cowlick or bad breath. Check my section on fixing yourself up to make sure you don’t go out looking like the bum you are.

Even if you follow all these guidelines, there’s no guarantee that you’ll succeed. You should be smart enough to know that. If you’re not, then go away. You don’t deserve to be reading such fine writing. You have to realize that, although the guidelines are crucial, you have to add in your own style and comfort to your dating techniques. Once you become accustomed to the basics of speed dating, you’ll be able to work the situation to your favor. It’s also important not to loose confidence. It’s speed dating; if you screw up, you can try again in 5 minutes. It’s like dating a goldfish. Maybe you won't spend Valentine's day alone again. Be cool and have fun.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Being the Alpha Male

If you’ve ever really analyzed your interactions with you guy friends, you’ll notice that, quite often, there’s a power struggle. There’s always a competition who can be the alpha male. Some guys are better at hiding their fight to the top than others, but the fight to the top is always there. This struggle can take the form of a drinking competition, videogames, sports, table seating, etc. Being the alpha of the group means that others will be motivated by you and constantly seek your approval. When it comes to making plans, others will want to go where you’re going and will put confidence in your decision making. If this sounds like something you’d like, this just may be the article for you.

There’s a very fine line between being the dominant member of the group and making a total jackass of yourself. The same principles of the wolf pack apply but, since we’re dealing with humans, we have to tone everything down and reduce every action to the subconscious. 

Head seat 
When possible, take the head seat of the table. The fact that you can see everyone else while have to turn their head to others in order to see you is a subtle sign that you are the main attraction and feature of the table. When in another’s house, always remember to allow the host to have the head. In this situation, sit either on the right of the host or at the seat opposite to the head. These are the spots that will most likely put you in the direct attention of the pack. When you’re at a restaurant and sitting at a large table, take the middle seat. The end seats are usually left out of the big conversations while the middle seats get the most face time and are where both ends look. 

Unfortunately, when a bunch of guys get together for some hearty drinking at a bar, they revert to a Neanderthal state. Your ability to drink and keep your cool is how you are gauged as a man. In a situation like this, remember to have your chasers and not be drinking on an empty stomach. To further your sobriety training, check out my previous post about “Building A Tolerance.” If you don’t feel yourself able to drink more than your chums, don’t try. You’ll only make yourself look stupid. Instead, focus on staying charismatic. Let your friends become drunken idiots as you egg them on to drink more while you nurse your beer.

Body Language
Most of what you’re saying to your friends isn’t coming out of your mouth. Your body language is letting out more information about your feelings than you’ll ever discuss. Here are some crucial points to remember:

-Never slouch You want to show your full height. In our primitive history, the leader of the pack was the strongest, biggest and, therefore, tallest. People have a natural respect and generally expect better leadership from a taller individual.

-Keep your hands away from your mouth This shows others that you’re trying to hide yourself and aren’t truly confident. Your hands should either be at your sides, resting on your hips or simply in the crossed arm position.

-Avoid holding objects in front of you Any object held in front of you is seen as a barrier behind which you're hiding. A truely fearless alpha doesn't need to create symbolic shields. 

-Keep at least 1 hand free When you're in a situation where you're leading a conversation yet you still welcome the input of others, the best possible position is one hand in the pocket with the thumb sticking out. The fact that you chose to withdraw a hand from visibility implies that you welcome another hand in the game. The reason for showing your thumb is so, firstly, you don't look like you're nervously fidgeting with something. Secondly, a hand too far into a pocket means that you're hiding something.

When guys get rowdy, we tend to get pretty clear about our masculinity and we have little wrestling match to try and pin one another. Avoid any temptation to wrestle any of your friends when rough housing. Pinning someone won’t make you dominant; you’ll just be creating yourself a passive-aggressive enemy within the group that will annoy you later. Even the dominant male in the wolf pack has an enforcer to do his thug work. When you’re dealing with a group of friends, you want them to respect you, not fear you. Leading by fear means people just won’t want you around. Leading by respect means people feel that they need you around. 

When talking to someone, never be afraid to look at them in the eye. This shows that you’re superior to them since you aren’t scared of eye contact with. This also shows that you can focus on your speech while also taking in their gaze. When listening to someone, try to avoid direct gaze. This will give off the impression that you’re incorporating other ideas into what’s being said and you’re not so focused on how the speaker feels. Try not to stray your gaze too far. This will make you seem like a cocky douche and, from my experience; people generally don’t like cocky douches.

Whenever you hear someone talk about themselves, that isn’t your opportunity to rush in and relate the conversation to you and how much better you are in the field of whatever’s being spoken. Let’s say, for example, your buddy just took up martial arts and you’ve been practicing it for 5 years now. When he tells you “Hey, I’ve been taking karate classes this past month” that’s not your cue to shove your gloated ass into the conversation by telling him about your background. Instead, ask him how he likes it. Ask him which techniques he’s learned and encourage him to continue. The dominant male isn’t always the center of attention. People will listen to you much more when you’re a character that makes them feel good about themselves. Afterwards, IF he asks if you’ve had any experience in the field, then you have my permission to tell him about your history. Letting him discover it on his own will make it 10x more impressive. Guaranteed. 

In all this, it’s extremely important to remember that these techniques are meant to be directed towards the subconscious. All the guidelines are meant to be acted out in a very subtle and indirect fashion. Exaggerating any of these aspects will make you incredibly annoying and a bigger pompous asshole than anyone could ever imagine. If, however, you manage to play this unspoken power struggle just right; people, though they may not understand why, will see you as the alpha male, look to you for guidance, social cues and mimic your behaviours. Mission accomplished.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Dumb Americans

Tip #124: Lowering Your Standards Makes You Feel Smarter

I just caught a glimpse of the show "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" on YouTube and I must say that I'm amazed at how Americans are not ashamed of what has become of their society. Do people not realize that average American intellect has degraded to the point where adults are having trouble answering questions that an 11-year old can answer with ease? To add to the irony, the show is hosted by Jeff Foxworthy; a man who made himself famous with jokes about how much of a dumb redneck he is.

Half of me wants to believ
e that this is all one big joke and this isn't real. The other half is enraged by how retards scraped from the bottom of the intelligence barrel are rewarded more money than they ever deserve to see. Once upon a time, Jeopardy was THE game show. The questions got progressively harder and there was a challenge to be had. Then, Americans moved on to Wheel of Fortune; a game that limited you to 26 possible answers. Later, the smash hit game show became "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." The answers are limited 4 possibilities but the questions were still pretty tough. Now, we're glorifying the dumbest shits ever to walk G-d's green earth. I don't think broadcasters should publicize footage of these dumb fucks struggling to figure out how many E's there are in "watermelon" or in which European country you can find Budapest.

I don't think it's sur
prising that so many illegal immigrants enter America since anyone with half a brain can make a killing harvesting money from a legion of idiots. Is this dumbed-down dickhead-fest entertainment for the country? Is it entertaining that 18% of Americans believe that the sun orbits the earth? I'm going to stop before I slip into an anger-induced seizure.
If you're an American reading this, congrats on reaching the end. You're probably smarter than most of your country...unless of course you only came here
because of the pictures of half-naked women. You people make me sick. Illegal immigrants will only improve your country. Seeya, suckas.