Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Do Trust Sprays Really Work?

So you're most likely reading this article because you've been seeing ads about these sprays that are proven to get salesmen more sales and bachelors more women. You're now just doing your research to see if you can find even a single unbiased, unsponsored review of ANY of the trust sprays currently on the market. Well, you're in luck. I tested out one of the spray and, even though it's just one man's review, it's an honest one.

I won't leave you in suspense and force you to strain your brain with word, trust sprays are bullshit. They're a scam and a waste of your hard earned money. For 80% of you, that's all the info you needed and will stop reading here since you're running off to waste $30 on some other gimmick. Enjoy.

So for you (unfortunately) few who actually care to educate themselves, here's how I arrived to such a conclusion:

Trust sprays work on the principal of oxytocin being the bonding hormone. The theory is that oxytocin is a natural hormone released in the brain that is associated with trust, intimacy, bonding, etc. It's the hormone released in a new mother when she breastfeeds her child, of partners in a relationship when they interact and in just about anyone when they feel intimacy in whatever form. It's pretty much scientifically proven that smelling oxytocin while interacting with someone will lead to increased trust and generosity towards that person.

While many companies will use very credible scientific evidence to back up the claim that their oxytocin concoction really works, they fall short in one very crucial area. In tests involving oxytocin, a high concentration is sprayed directly into the nasal passage where it can immediately take effect on the brain since it can only survive in the air for about 30 seconds. The trust sprays, however, are sprayed on your own body and are diluted heavily with alcohol. The result is a sucker who just dished out 30 bucks to temporarily coat himself with an ineffective dose of oxyticin and smell faintly of cheap vodka.

Don't think that I'm all talk, either. I bought a trust spray by the name of "Liquid Trust" by Vero Labs I was conveniently working in a popular electronics retail store that meticulously monitors our sales stats at the time and decided I'd try a 1 month supply. If I had significant results, I'd tell all my salesmen colleagues about it, order it in bulk and sell it off to them for a profit (I'm not THAT stupid). This is the small psuedo-experiment I set up for myself. I would test sales performance under the following conditions:

1 week of spraying myself vs 1 week of not
1 week of spraying my friend vs 1 week of not
1 week of spraying a friend without their knowledge vs 1 week of not
2 dates with a trust spray vs 2 without

The Results:
I improved slightly, though not significantly
My consenting friend stayed at the same level
My oblivious friend saw a slight decrease in sales
My dates were all extremely successful...but lets be honest; that's just cause I'm me. Have you seen me lately? Damn.

I know you really want it to be true that, with a few spritzes, you  can earn more money and have to fight women off. It would be so glamorous if someone offered you a magic potion, at an affordable price, that did just that. Unfortunately, there is no such magic formula.There's no substituting good old fashioned charisma and a healthy knowledge of psychology....unless your date is comfortable with you dosing them via nasal spray upon first contact....never know, some bitches be freakyyy

Peace out, Suckas.

PS: I'd really like to know how many silly $30 purchases I've saved. If you got this far and were talked out of the purchase, please throw a little "thanks dude" in the comments below.

Welcome back, Kotter

Konichiwa Bitches!
Yes, I'm going to try to revive the blog. Primarily because you're all lost without me. I took a hiatus to study a whole new set of tips, tiffs and tits. All the knowledge I so pompously dished out up till now took the better part of a decade for me to acquire so you'll forgive me for taking a couple years off. Now that I have a fresh batch mental vomit to hurl your way, you can look forward to me heroically saving you from many more pitfalls. You can avoid being the worst kind of 99% - the ones who aren't hanging on my every word and benefiting from my gospel to the fullest. Good to be back, suckas.